Fate of our memories

So many words are left unsaid,

Conversations we’ve had in our heads.

Spoken words without any meaning

Lead to the façade that I’m now seeing.

The rift grows each second,

ripping apart the years of history

into shreds like they never existed.

Soon there will be nothing left to bind us,

or remind us,

of the memories that brought us together.

It will all float away,

Like waking up from a dream,

that we can’t quite hold onto or remember.

Eventually it is forgotten all together,

Moving onto new better things.

The endeavors will be exciting,

But maybe if you are lucky,

Something will spark a memory,

Of what was lost.

Bringing back that dream,

that you can’t quite touch,

of have again.

A glimpse of a memory

to hold onto,

or let fall into a black hole,

to never be seen again.

In the end,

your choices,

hold the key to the fate,

of our memories.

By: Christie Cote

April 13, 2013

Barley Alive (Edit)

He stumbles through the door
Coming to be with me.
Driving from afar,
Barley able to see.

Not knowing the pain he felt,
Would be so much more.
I listen to the slur of words
Poring from his core. 

A flash of memories
Spirals through my head.
His innocent face
Looking back at me.
Hours spent on the phone.
Talking endlessly about anything and everything
He managed to escape for a night with me
At a homecoming dance.
We danced the night away
Before the magic slipped away.
Time went on.
One thing staying constant,
You and I.
A rainy day you ran away,
Hiding from danger.
You came to me.
I have always been your person

I stand here now
Wondering how it became this bad.
Seeing the mess in front of me,
I wonder how he is not dead.

His eyes glossy,
He shares his pain.
The girl who broke his heart
After he gave her everything.
Sharing those precious secrets with her
That only I had known before.
In the end love lost
Leaving only his best friend,
Me.

Hours went by before he was able to drive
Promising he would go right home.
I should have known.
He took the bottle from the backseat.
Never expecting the chrome
To collide with a tree.
Not knowing what happened.

He wasn’t aware of the glass in his hair
Unable to understand where the blood was comingfrom,
He fumbled with his phone,
Blood smearing from the gash on his thumb.

The message I received,
Was a disjointed mess.
I was only able to make out one word,
Blood.
Fear ran through me
Knowing what he wouldn’t want to confess.
The mistake I made by letting him go.
I felt disappointment arrive
Then anger and guilt followed.
I never thought he would lie to me,
Knowing how much I Abhor
Drinking and Driving.

© Christie Cote

Once Upon a time

Once upon a time,

We were just two girls,

Playing with Barbies.

We created our own dream house,

And created our own story inside,

From beginning to end.

The story did not change every time we played

Like other children who enacted the doll’s fate.

Our story was extensive and detailed,

Consisting of a beginning, middle and end.

Possibly telling the story of what the future would bring.

Years have gone by,

Our real lives took their places.

You just moved into your dream house.

Just like Barbie and Ken.

You traded Ken for Eddie,

Finding your one true love.

The childhood fantasy coming true,

Even better than we could have created.

Today you trade in your doll sized dress

For an extravagant life-sized one,

Looking more beautiful than Barbie ever could.

To: Amber (Bessette) Roucoulet

By: Christie Cote

October 22, 2011

Barely Alive

He stumbles through the door

Coming to see me

Driving from afar

Barley able to see

Not knowing the pain he felt now

Would be so much more

I listened to the slur of words

Pouring from his core

A flash of memories

Spirals through my head

Wondering how it became this bad

“He is lucky he is not dead”

I whisper under my breath

Not knowing how true

Those words would come to be

Wishing he had a clue

Hours went by before he was able to drive

Promising me he would go right home

He took the bottle from the backseat

Never expecting the chrome

To collide with a tree

Not aware of the glass in his hair

Unable to understand where the blood was coming from

He fumbled with his phone

Blood smearing from the gash on his thumb

The message that came

Was a disjointed mess

Fear ran through me

Knowing what he wouldn’t want to confess

The mistake I made by letting him go

Thinking his promise

Would hold until tomorrow

Knowing how much I abhor

Drinking and driving

With luck he would live

With the police arriving

© Christie Cote

March 25, 2011

Scars

The scars that mark me

Can’t be seen

They wrap themselves around

A fragile part of me

Where I feel every one

Some start out small

Even unnoticeable

Until they grow

Not being able to ignore

The pain that is really there

It was hidden for so long

The appearance hits me hard

Taking my breath away

Somehow my heart still beats

With the scars that cover it

This heart once unmarked

Is a canvas for scars

They seem to spread

Like a burning fire

That can’t be put out

I feel each one

Like I’m touching the flame

The burning starts out subtle

Then becomes unbearable

To lose this pain

I must reconcile

The mistake I made

So long ago

I can’t hide

The pain I feel inside

It is too strong

To hold onto

Without losing hope

Happiness so far away

My heart wont be content

Until certain scars are healed

© Christie Cote

September 30,2010

Looking Back

Today I find myself

Looking back

Thinking about how it should have been

Regrets are spread across the past

Trading in people who mattered

For one unforgiving mistake

Wanting to go back

Choosing the other path

Life has found its way

To where I am today

This person I have become

Is who I want to be

Both roads would have lead to here and now

Unfortunately the path I followed

Left behind the people

Who mattered most 

My heart feels the loss

I clearly still care

After all this time

I have the memories stored

And the thoughts of the ones that could have been

I can never get back

What I lost

Part of me hoping they understand

Disappointment in myself

For going against

Everything I was

Turning into a robot

Who couldn’t make choices

Or let my own voice be heard

When I went down that path

I became programmed

Stuck until I overrode it

Finding my voice again

Knowing I wasn’t the only one

Who got hurt in the process

Part of my life was taken away

A part I will never get back

My heart

Will always bare the scar

That will have the memories underneath

No matter where life takes me

I will always remember

© Christie Cote

August 4, 2010

Best Friends Forever

It’s been so long

Since that first day

Of second grade

We found each other

And stuck together

We were shy back then

We were just each other’s friend

Best friends is what we become

Deciding we would stay that way

Life was more simple then

We could carelessly play

Not thinking we were in any danger

As we got older

Our choice of friends changed

But we still held on

To our friendship

The day came that I had to move away

Leaving my best friend behind

Life wasn’t the same

No one can replace

The special bond we made

Most friends come and go

But we were best friends for life

Over the years

We have grown apart

Lost touch for long periods of time

In the end

We have always found each other again

Our friendship is stronger than most

No matter where life takes us

And how different we become

We can always count on each other

That’s what best friends do

© Christie Cote

July 25, 2010

For Amber Bessette

Lost Friend

It has been years since we have been friends

Why do I still think of you

It still hurts to see your name

I’m the one who walked away

But I tried to come back

Wanted to make things right

Why did you say it was ok

If you were just going to turn your back on me anyways

Those words hit me hard

I still don’t understand

You find me in my dreams

But when I awake your not there

I never stopped caring about you

I hear songs and think about you

I can even hear your voice singing along

All I have left is my memories

I can’t forget you

The friendship we had

Was special

I regret every day

Losing the connection we had

How did we go from being so close

To not knowing each other at all

I want to talk to you to hear your voice

And laugh with you about the past

Watching you play piano singing from your heart

I was your number one fan

But first I was your best friend

As you get closer to your dream

Don’t forget where you came from

Remember your friends that stood beside you

In the very beginning

© Christie Cote

May 4, 2010