I’m a Lancaster (Knowledge edit)

I step into the horse drawn carriage
Ready to take me on my way.
Completing my final year of school
I daydream about school past 8th grade.
High school and college is forbidden.

All of the things I could learn
Like how to drive a car
Separates me from my family.
It is impossible to be different
While living among my people.
When my 16th birthday arrives
I can participate in Rumspringa
Tempting me further
Into the world outside.

I feel my heart breach.
Knowing the pain of leaving them
Would slice through my heart.
Something irreconcilable, 
The price I would have to pay
To have new experiences.

The carriage halts in front of my sanctuary,
A one room school the students share.
Smoothing down my plain black dress,
I feel the same caged texture I do every day.
I Imagine wearing a bright pink shirt and jeans
An image that would never come to be.

I feel the wind swiftly blow,
Loosening my bonnet.
Giving me the desire to let it blow off
Letting the wind whip through my hair.
To have a moment where I’m not composed,
Kicking off my shoes
So I can feel the grass between my toes.
Dancing to the feeling I have inside.

Instead I tighten it,
Securing the white material to my head.
Composed, I enter the room lit by candles
Taking my seat, prepared to learn
Enjoying this luxury while it lasts.
Once I complete this year
I will never see the inside of a school again.
To keep from disappointing my family,
I have to forget about my dream.

© Christie Cote

Barley Alive (Edit)

He stumbles through the door
Coming to be with me.
Driving from afar,
Barley able to see.

Not knowing the pain he felt,
Would be so much more.
I listen to the slur of words
Poring from his core. 

A flash of memories
Spirals through my head.
His innocent face
Looking back at me.
Hours spent on the phone.
Talking endlessly about anything and everything
He managed to escape for a night with me
At a homecoming dance.
We danced the night away
Before the magic slipped away.
Time went on.
One thing staying constant,
You and I.
A rainy day you ran away,
Hiding from danger.
You came to me.
I have always been your person

I stand here now
Wondering how it became this bad.
Seeing the mess in front of me,
I wonder how he is not dead.

His eyes glossy,
He shares his pain.
The girl who broke his heart
After he gave her everything.
Sharing those precious secrets with her
That only I had known before.
In the end love lost
Leaving only his best friend,
Me.

Hours went by before he was able to drive
Promising he would go right home.
I should have known.
He took the bottle from the backseat.
Never expecting the chrome
To collide with a tree.
Not knowing what happened.

He wasn’t aware of the glass in his hair
Unable to understand where the blood was comingfrom,
He fumbled with his phone,
Blood smearing from the gash on his thumb.

The message I received,
Was a disjointed mess.
I was only able to make out one word,
Blood.
Fear ran through me
Knowing what he wouldn’t want to confess.
The mistake I made by letting him go.
I felt disappointment arrive
Then anger and guilt followed.
I never thought he would lie to me,
Knowing how much I Abhor
Drinking and Driving.

© Christie Cote

I Persevere (edit to "Fate")

This game you play
Is very dangerous.
Like jumping out of a plane and
Forgetting your parachute.

You act innocent,
Like an angel from above.
Pure and fragile.
Your act only works on a crowd,
I’m not part of it.
I see you for who you are.
Stripping away your white mask
That fools everyone else.
Revealing the darkness underneath.
Not appreciative of what you already have
You steal from others.
Acting like you’re their friend
Before flipping the switch.

You start a war.
When I’m winning
You retreat.
Finding higher authority
Hiding behind them
Like I’m the one
Who committed treason
Stabbing one of my own.
You can try to frame me
But the truth will come out,
As soon as they find your fingerprints.

You didn’t expect me to fight back
When you first attacked.
Thinking it was easy to bring me down.
Sorry to disappoint you
I’m not defeated, just like that.
Don’t brake a nail
Leave the scratching to a cat.
I don’t pull hair, a powerless act.
I connect my fist with your face
Enjoying the feeling of first to jaw
As blood splashes on my skin.

You may have begun this war
Trying to take advantage of me.
Fighting dirty.
Despair will only fall on you.
I will finish first
Every time.
I fight for victory
Never backing down.
The strength I have will shock you.

Think again before throwing punches my way.
I will dodge every one.
Your energy will be wasted
You will only be defeated.

If you choose to fight anyways
Finish what you started.
You can’t retreat and hide
Just because you are losing.
In the end I will find you,
Making you compensate 
For all you have done.

The plane couldn’t save you.
I watch you fall through the air.
Eventually your body will crash to the ground,
With nothing there to stop you
But the branches scraping across your skin.

Causing you every bit of pain
You inflicted on me.
As your body is sprawled out on the ground
I hope you suffer.
Remembering you caused this
All because you played dangerously
You didn’t have a parachute.
You have nothing left,
I persevere.

© Christie Cote
May 6, 2011

Once Upon a time

Once upon a time,

We were just two girls,

Playing with Barbies.

We created our own dream house,

And created our own story inside,

From beginning to end.

The story did not change every time we played

Like other children who enacted the doll’s fate.

Our story was extensive and detailed,

Consisting of a beginning, middle and end.

Possibly telling the story of what the future would bring.

Years have gone by,

Our real lives took their places.

You just moved into your dream house.

Just like Barbie and Ken.

You traded Ken for Eddie,

Finding your one true love.

The childhood fantasy coming true,

Even better than we could have created.

Today you trade in your doll sized dress

For an extravagant life-sized one,

Looking more beautiful than Barbie ever could.

To: Amber (Bessette) Roucoulet

By: Christie Cote

October 22, 2011

The shadow of pain....
               ... is the beginning of Happiness


© Christie Cote

Serenity

I hear the vibration of words cling to my ear.

The shouting whisper claims my attention.

Sending my heart pounding with fear.

Your voice echoes with the words you “forgot” to mention.

I feel the ground around me start to shake

Glass slices through me as the windows shatter.

The walls have fallen. I’m all that is left in its wake,

Leaving my lifeless body like it doesn’t matter.

I hear a faint enchanting voice as I lift my head

Fighting to keep my eyes open as darkness tries to claim them.

When the figure appears I realize I must be dead.

Gracing me with a smile, she hands me a radiant gem.

Gleaming brightly, the light engulfs me.

The serenity it offers is where I yearn to be.

© Christie Cote

April 10, 2011

Morning Sunlight

Morning sunlight ripples across the river’s surface

A picture perfect moment

That goes unnoticed.

Everyone is in a hurry,

Rushing to work, consuming their coffee

Never taking a second

To claim the beauty

That could be theirs to possess

We take the precious events for granted

Like being able to sit under the sun

Feeling the breeze swiftly passing you.

Not thinking that someday these luxuries may not be available

What if morning came without sun?

Then would we stop and notice,

Take our time to hear the bird’s story

That he sings to us each morning

Instead of hitting the snooze

Open yourself to the world outside

Appreciate what is waiting outside the door.

© Christie Cote

January 23, 2011